That’s the acronym for BIG FAT POSITIVE in online fertility speak, which we’ve become pretty proficient in, lately.
Let me take a minute to have an appropriate freak-out: OMG!$l#@>$@#!!@! YOU GUYS! WE ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY SURE THAT SONA IS PREGNANT!!@#!@!#!
Okay, that’s better.
Here’s how it all went down:
Sona was inseminated on November 9th and again on November 10th. That meant that we could have done a reasonably reliable at-home pregnancy test as early as Thanksgiving–if not earlier. Her blood test at the fertility doc isn’t until tomorrow (20 days post IUI), and we knew we didn’t want to wait that long. However, we also didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving with the news that she’s not pregnant, again, and we didn’t want to have to suffer through that news with family in town. So, we waited.
Then, unexpectedly, Sona’s grandmother passed away this past Wednesday. That meant that our plans to have Sona’s family come up for a Big Ole Family Holiday Weekend got cancelled, and Sona actually ended up taking the overnight Amtrak to Kentucky to be with her family, leaving a few hours after an early Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. It was another blow in what has already been a difficult year, and neither of us wanted to even think about doing a pregnancy test. Therefore, we planned to test when Sona got home on Sunday (yesterday).
I had a lot of anxiety about the test while Sona was gone. I was also worried that, with her traveling 16 hours in 3 days, getting relatively little sleep, and taking care of her family, she was going to push herself beyond her limit. I texted family to make sure that they kept an eye on her, and–she doesn’t know this (sorry, honey)–I also sent myself the contact info for on of the doctors she worked with, all with the plan to text her, plead our case, and beg for Sona to get an extra day off in lieu of the one she lost traveling for the funeral. I was a worried wife.
Yesterday, Sona got home at 9AM. We had brunch plans with friends who we only see once a year, as they live out of town. The babysitter came at 10:00. Sona was tired, and she hadn’t been home in a few days, but we wanted to push through with plans to see our friends, as we both needed some fun. I thought, for sure, that we would wait and do the test later in the evening–after brunch, after we’d rested a bit, and after Finn was in bed. I was hoping to push it off for as long as possible, scared of the result.
I was playing with Finn, trying to get him ready for the babysitter, when Sona got in the shower. Twenty minutes before the babysitter was set to arrive, I went into our bathroom to blow-dry my hair. I saw a cup of urine on the bathroom counter, and my heart stopped.
“You do it,” Sona said from inside of the shower. “Do what?!” I asked, knowing full-well what she meant. “Do the pregnancy test. I didn’t want to do it without you.”
In my head, I was panicking. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” I kept thinking. I wasn’t prepared, and I wasn’t ready to see Sona’s heart broken, again.
Still, I did it. I took the test, held it in the urine for 5 seconds (Sona made sure I read the directions, even though we’ve done this a thousand times, now), and I didn’t even get it out of the urine before the two dark pink lines appeared. Meanwhile, Sona was in the shower, expecting to wait a few minutes for the results.
So, I did exactly what I did when we tested for Finn. I coyly snuck away, pretending I was buying time, grabbed my phone, and came back in. I hid the phone behind my back, because I knew if she saw it, she’d know the test was positive.
Then, I put on my best sad face, lowered my tone, and said, disappointingly, “I’m sorry babe, it is negative. I knew we shouldn’t have tested. This is going to ruin the whole day.” “I knew it,” she said. “I figured it would be.”
This is what happened next:
(Trying to get a SFW video of your wife who is freaking out IN THE SHOWER is not easy, people.)
As you can tell, I think, she totally fell for my prank.
She was elated. And relieved. And then, she just cried.
It was a special moment, and–you know me–I had to capture it. THERE WAS SO MUCH RELIEF, THERE.
Of course, we had to take a couple selfies, too, and I couldn’t love them more.
Yes, the lighting stinks. Yes, one of us is naked and half-covered in soap. Still, I can’t wait to show these two baby #2 someday and say, “See, this is how badly we wished for you.”
The funny thing is, this is almost exactly the week we found out we were pregnant with Finn, who was also a Thanksgiving baby. And, if all goes well, baby #2 will likely be due in August, too.
Of course, we have to be cautious. It’s early. VERY, very early. At first, too, we were worried about the chance of a false positive, as Sona did an HCG trigger shot. Those worries have been pretty much dispelled, though, as we’ve heard from several reliable sources that we are way beyond the window of concern.
But also, with Finn, we waited the requisite 3 months to announce widely. We waited about 3 minutes, this time. Is that risky? Of course. Are there superstitious folks out there, wagging fingers at us? For sure. Is there a chance that this pregnancy won’t stick? Sadly, yes.
But regardless of the outcome, we’ve committed to sharing our journey, and this is a huge part of it. Whatever comes next, we’re committed to sharing that, too. There is NO SHAME here, people. NONE. NO shame in trying to conceive. NO shame in being a same-sex couple, haphazardly navigating these often enigmatic waters. NO shame in fertility struggles. NO shame in whatever comes next.
Today, though, there is a lot of joy. And that’s what we are choosing to focus on. Today, at the end of a very rough year, there’s joy–all thanks to the promise of another sweet, sweet soul.